


Letting Go

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Related, Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship/Love, Romantic Fluff, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: A filler to the end of the 6th season episode, "The Muse," in what happened after B'Elanna returns to the ship.





	Letting Go

Disclaimer: Their characters, my story..  
Summary: Sort of a continuation of “Muse” with B’Elanna informing Chakotay of Kelis’ misinterpretation of the crew and then Chakotay fills Kathryn in on the subject.  
Rating: R

Letting Go  
By: J.A. Greene

Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?  
\- James A. Baldwin

“What’s taking her so long?” Kathryn asked Harry, as she, Chakotay and the Doctor stood waiting in the transporter room for B’Elanna.

Harry shrugged, “I don’t know ma ‘me,” he replied, “but, she claimed she had one more thing to do before beaming up.” He couldn’t even explain it himself, but knew it had to do something with one of the natives.

“Is the Delta Flyer back on board?” she asked.

“It’s in the shuttle bay,” Chakotay replied, from behind the transporter controls. 

Kathryn shook her head, hoping trouble wasn’t brewing down on the surface, considering it wasn’t warp-capable and her concern with B’Elanna breaking the Prime Directive. But, she trusted her half-Klingon chief engineer and knew she wouldn’t cross that line.

“I’d like to get them both,” the Doctor said, “to sickbay as soon as possible for a checkup. Mr. Kim here looks the worse for wear.” Harry smirked at him and wanted to wait as long as possible for that checkup.

“Agreed!” Kathryn said, ready to send them both and B’Elanna when she finally signaled. Just when she was about to order them to sickbay she heard Chakotay say:

“She’s ready,” he said and touched the controls beaming B’Elanna onto the transporter pad. Just as she solidified, she looked mussed and was dressed in a cloak of some sort. “You okay?” he asked concerned.

B’Elanna nodded, “I’m fine.” and caught Kathryn’s stare. “Ah, Captain, I’m sorry for not coming right away, but there was something I needed to take care of.”

“Would you care to fill me in?” she asked her, as she stepped off the staging area and down to them.

B’Elanna glanced at Harry, who just shrugged. She looked back at Kathryn, “Captain, it’s a long story, but don’t worry, I made sure not to break the Prime Directive.”

Kathryn stared at her for a moment and then sighed, “alright. I’m just happy you’re both alright and back on board. You can fill me in later, because you both look exhausted.” They weren’t the only ones. She hadn’t really slept herself much in the past couple of weeks, while conducting the search for them. “But, before I let you both go to your quarters to shower and rest, you need to go with the Doctor to sickbay for a checkup.”

“Oh, Captain.” B’Elanna said, beginning to protest. “The Flyer –“

“Can wait,” she said, “until you’re both cleared and fully rested. Seven can start repairs until then. I’m giving you both two days to rest.” B’Elanna groaned, “that’s an order, lieutenant.”

“Yes, ma ‘me,” B’Elanna sighed. Chakotay smiled, knowing Kathryn’s temper if her orders weren’t followed. Besides, he wanted to see his friend’s rested, the whole crew needed to rest after this. She joined the Doctor and Harry over by the doors.

“Thank you, Captain,” the Doctor said with a smile, escorting them both out.

Chakotay locked the console and walked around to Kathryn who was staring at the doors. “And, I thought you were tough to get to sickbay” She turned glaring at him, he held up his hands in surrender. “I take that back.”

“Let’s get back to the bridge,” she said and walked out, he followed her with a smile.

B’Elanna paced impatiently in her quarters the next day, later that morning. The Doctor had cleared her to go back to duty, but with the captain’s orders to rest, these next two days were going to drive her crazy. It was nice when Tom stopped by to see her while in sickbay and then after duty. She didn’t realize how much she really missed him since last seeing him over two weeks before. 

She also really wanted to get into engineering to find out what was going on, although she knew Seven and Joe Carey had everything under control. That’s when it occurred to her that she was somewhat a “control-freak” as Tom loved to tell her at times. She smiled a little with a shake of her head and was about to admit defeat when her door chime rang.  
With Tom on duty, the only person wanting to visit would probably be Harry, since he was on medical leave as well.

“Come in,” she said, as the doors slid open and Chakotay entered. Surprised, “Chakotay! Aren’t you supposed to be on duty?”

He nodded, “yes, but I’m also on lunch and I decided to check up on you.”

“I’m fine,” she said and sat down on her sofa.

He stared at her and stepped over and sank down into the armchair opposite her. “Well, I guessed that,” he said. “But, how do you feel?”

She glared at her old friend, “did the captain send you down here?” 

He chuckled with a shake of his head, “no. Consider this just a visit with a friend I’ve been worried about for the past couple of weeks.”

She wrung her hands, “I’m going stir-crazy, Chakotay! I just don’t need this down time. I want to get back to work.” 

“I can understand that,” he said. “Maybe if you behave yourself for at least 24 hours, I can ask the captain to release you.”

“You’re the best,” she exclaimed, “and I will.” 

He nodded, “okay, we’ll see.” He paused for a moment, “but, I was wondering if you can tell me what happened with you and the Delta Flyer?”

She sighed, “everything was fine until we ran into that ion storm. But, with the Flyer damaged and losing power, I lost contact with Harry once he left in the escape pod.”

“You managed to land it,” he said, “with some damage.”

“I know,” she said. “But, I don’t know how! Apparently I was unconscious for the first eight days.”

“Eight days?” he asked, she nodded. “How did you and Harry find each other?”

“Harry traveled at night,” she replied, “after following my ion trail.” She leaned back with a sigh, “but, you wouldn’t believe who I met while down there. There was this native, his name was Kelis, who apparently found the Flyer and me right after I crashed. He was the one who nursed me back, of course, I didn’t really trust him in the beginning -“

“Of course not,” Chakotay said, with a smile.

“But, apparently,” she continued, “while I was unconscious, he figured out how to access my logs and heard all about the crew.”

“What’d he do?” 

She shook her head, “nothing bad. He was a poet –“

“A poet?”

B’Elanna nodded, “yeah and he was creating plays based on the crew. Of course, some of the stuff he interpreted was kind of crazy.”

“I bet,” he said. “Like what?”

“It was all about love,” she said, he grinned. “Don’t smile like that! You were included as well.”

Chakotay chuckled, “okay, now you’ve got my interest. But, why was it so crazy he was basing his plays on love?”

She stood up, “oh, come on Chakotay! There’s no romance going on the way he claimed! His planet was always on the verge of war, so he wrote about love and made us his ‘eternals of the Starship Voyager’ to appease his local patron.”

He shrugged, “well, I guess that makes sense of why he did it. Considering his planet could go to war at any time, it was a way of keeping the peace.”

B’Elanna crossed her arms and shook her head glancing at him, “it wasn’t just that.” He didn’t respond, but just wait, then she sighed, “it was some of the things he thought about us. I mean, for instance, Seven and the Borg Queen being best friends, you and the captain being in love –“

That’s when Chakotay blinked twice at that, “what?” Apparently this Kelis sensed something he’s known for the last five years. His feelings for Kathryn were always his secret, but it was interesting that someone who’d never met either of them and only knew of them from B’Elanna’s logs guessed. Kathryn didn’t even know how he truly felt about her, even after their years since returning from New Earth. 

They were different people now, older and closer. Friends always, lovers was just a dream for him, until they returned to the Alpha Quadrant. His thoughts were interrupted with B’Elanna saying:

“Of course it was ridiculous!” she said. “I mean, you and the captain?” She snorted, “so, I had him change it.”

“Of course,” was all he said.

She stared at him, “well, it was better. No more misinterpreted romances.”

“Is that why you were late?”

“What? No!” she said, with a laugh. “He sent me a note at the last minute, that he still didn’t have an end to the current part of the play and threatened to kill my character off if I didn’t help him.”

“So, you left to make sure you,” he replied, “survived the ending?” She nodded, he chuckled, “well, B’El, it looks like you had an interesting First Contact.” He sighed, “listen, just take today to rest and let me talk to the captain.” His lunch was almost up and he had to get back to the bridge, he stood up.

Just as he was walking to the door, she said, “Chakotay?”

He stopped and turned back, “yeah?”

“Thanks,” she said, he nodded with a smile. “And, one more thing?” He waited, “it’s kinda crazy for me to ask this, but, there’s nothing between you and the captain, right?” 

Chakotay stared at her, then said, “only friendship, B’Elanna. Just a good friendship.” She nodded and he smiled at her and walked out.

=/\=

When he returned to the bridge, he found Kathryn was in her ready room. After checking with Tuvok on the status of the shift, he stepped down to her doors and requested access. She let him in and found her sitting up on her sofa reading reports.

He walked in and she glanced up at him, “so, how was lunch?” she asked him.

“I spoke with B’Elanna,” he replied, standing before her. She indicated for him to sit down and he stepped up and sat down opposite her, but at a safe distance.

“Well,” she said, “from what I’ve read so far of her report, she had an interesting first contact.” He nodded, “I mean, her logs were turned into plays based on us?”

“Yeah,” he said, “and some of his perceptions were a little different than how we really are.” 

“What do you mean?” she asked curiously. 

“Apparently their society,” he replied, “is always on the verge of war. And, the local patrons were close to fighting at any time, so this playwright decided to change things by writing our characters being in love, or falling in love.”

Kathryn lowered the padd, somewhat in shock. She sat back a little in thought, “she didn’t include that little information.”

“That’s because she didn’t,” he replied, “believe any of what he was trying to say. But, he told her the reason he made us fall in love, because it was a way of showing his patron love was better than war.”

Kathryn smirked and propped her head against her hand, “sounds like how we were back in the Love and War Decade.” He nodded, she studied him for a moment, and she knew him too well. “But, there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Chakotay glanced down for a moment and decided to tell her, maybe it’d change things between them, for the better. He sighed and looked up at her, “obviously this poet sensed something in her words. I know we’re just friends, but Kathryn he had us fall in love –“

Her hand dropped, “what?”

He expected that reaction from her, but continued, “I know it seems impossible, even after our time on New Earth. I know we had to move on, but I’ve never forgotten our time there.”

“I know,” she said, “I haven’t either, but Chakotay, everything’s been fine since then –“

“For you,” he said, “for you, Kathryn. Those protocols you set up while there, was to protect you, not me.” She shook her head, “I think it’s time to revise those protocols.”

She stared at him, she didn’t want to say the wrong thing. She wasn’t sure if revising those protocols from years ago would be a good thing. But, it’s been six years since being in the Alpha Quadrant and five years since New Earth. By taking that next step with him now after all this time, she wasn’t sure. “I don’t know,” she said finally and then looked right into his eyes. “I just don’t know –“

That’s when he made his move and reached over taking one of her hands gently. “Kathryn, I’ve always loved you.” She tried to look away, but he squeezed her hand gently making her look at him, “ever since B’Elanna and Tom became a couple and then some of the other crew started finally pairing up, the idea isn’t so bad anymore.”

She tried to keep her emotions at bay, she reached up to stroke the tension out of her neck. He wouldn’t let her other hand go, she didn’t need this conversation now. “Chakotay, please –“

He had to convince her, but didn’t want to push her the wrong way either. “I don’t want you to feel pressured,” he told her gently. “I’m sorry for bringing this up now, but after this first contact, it seemed the right time. I just want you to think about it, really think about it, Kathryn. I love you, please don’t push me away anymore.”

“Chakotay, we can’t do this,” she said, almost tearfully. “I thought you understood a relationship between us isn’t possible? As the captain, it’d just confuse me and I can’t risk losing you or my heart - if something happened to you.”

“Oh, Kathryn,” he said softly and moved closer to her. He touched her chin tenderly as she still gazed at him. “Danger is what we’ve grown accustomed to while here in the Delta Quadrant. We both know how much we mean to each other and the fear of losing each other, but it’s been long enough not to follow our feelings. We still don’t know when we’ll get home.”

She then reached up placing her hand against his face, he then held it and kissed her palm. They sat there quietly for a few moments, she nodded, “I’ll think about it, I will.”  
He smiled and leaned over kissing her forehead gently and then gazed into her eyes, “okay and I’ll wait,” and then pulled away. He stood up and walked out to the bridge.

=/\=

Later that night, after dinner and duty, Kathryn sat in her armchair trying to read her latest novel. She found she couldn’t concentrate and groaned putting the book down in her lap and stared out at the stars as the ship cruised at warp heading home. 

Chakotay’s words still echoed in her head, he confessed his love for her. She remembered how recently he was injured during the mission with the spatial anomaly. She missed being in a relationship with a man, and Chakotay was offering his comfort. She knew she already had his support, she knew she trusted him with everything when it came to the ship and crew. But, did she trust her heart?

Would loving him now be so harmful to the crew? She knew she loved him, but kept distant from that feeling just because of the crew and in order to keep everyone safe. That didn’t always work out that way, she still lost people and he was still there. Maybe it was time for a change, she reasoned to herself.

But, it’d have to only be during their off-duty hours. She deserved to be happy, to have him to spend her time with. Sure, they were together during duty the majority of the time, but off duty allowed her to be herself with him. She could be held, laugh easier, and be intimate again.

She then stood up, put the book on the coffee table and walked into her bedroom to look in her mirror located opposite her closet. She had aged since first being stranded in the Delta Quadrant, but he obviously didn’t care, maybe she shouldn’t either.

Then she opened her closet to look for an outfit that wasn’t too revealing, but something nice. She went through what she had and wasn’t thrilled with anything and he’d seen her in most of these, especially on shipboard functions. 

She then remembered one she hadn’t worn in a while. She walked over to her dresser drawers that were built into the bulkhead and opened a drawer. She moved a few pieces of clothing around and pulled out a simple, pink lounge set. She held it up and smiled, figuring after a bath it’d be a nice outfit to wear. So, she put it on her bed and began to change and then walked into the bathroom with her robe.

Once her bath was done, she washed her face and brushed and fixed her hair. She then dressed into the lounge set and put a little perfume on. She was also ready to have a glass of wine to soothe her nerves, but decided against it. After forcing herself to calm down, she called Chakotay, who was next door in his own quarters. “Would you like to have a glass of wine,” she asked him, “with me before bed?”

There was a slight pause before he answered, “sure, I’ll be right there.”

When he arrived a few minutes later, she tried not to show her anxiety of how she was feeling. So, she went to pour him a glass, “I know it’s late, but I also thought about what you said earlier today.”

Chakotay still stood there and watched her turn around with two small glasses. He noticed her pink outfit, her face was clear of makeup and she looked very pretty and a little nervous. “I’m glad,” he said, “because so have I. Have you come to a decision?”

She walked over to him and handed him his glass, after taking a sip of hers, she sighed and looked directly at him, “yes.” With a sigh, “I think your right and we should - try.” That’s when he smiled and she felt her heart start to melt a little more and her anxiety began to dissipate. “But, only while we’re off duty –“

He nodded, “of course and are you sure, Kathryn?”

“Yes,” she replied and moved closer to him. “I want us both to be happy, we deserve it, especially after all we’ve been through these past several years.”

Now he could smell her perfume, he had to put his glass down. He took hers and then placed both of them on her desk and closed the distance between them. “I agree,” he said, softly. “You’re so beautiful,” and she smiled. “When can we start?”

“The moment you walked in,” she said. At that moment, he was speechless and did the one thing she was hoping, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Kathryn sighed and wrapped her arms around him responding back. He tasted like the wine and some of the tea that he’d been drinking before coming over. He deepened the kiss by opening her mouth some and she felt as if the deck had spun out from under her. She clung tighter to him and he began to tenderly kiss her face, trailing kisses down to her throat. “Chakotay,” she whispered, “I’ve missed this so much.”

“Never again,” he said, “you’ll miss this. With every moment I have, I’ll be holding you, kissing you, loving you.”

She wanted to cry, he wanted her with his whole heart. The joy she felt filled her own heart, “I love you,” she said. He gazed down at her and smiled, his hands began to caress her gently. She felt a shiver from her toes and up through her chest, once one of his hands stroked the outside of her breast. She gasped softly, reaching up placing her hand over his.  
“I won’t do anything you don’t want,” he said tenderly, sensing her uneasiness. He wanted her, but would wait for however long it took to take that next step. The only thing that mattered was they admitted how they felt about each other and could now express that more in private. 

She shook her head, “no, it’s okay. It’s just been so long since I’ve been able to feel like this again.” She then took his hand placing it over her breast, her nipple peaked beneath the smooth material. She could feel the heat building between them and his breath grew short and heartbeat began to race. “Please, I do want this, I just want you to go slow. That’s all.”

Her breast fit into his hand and was so soft and he wanted to feel more of her. He then slid both hands up to her face, taking it in his hands. “Whatever you want, my love,” he said. He kissed her gently again, she responded and he pressed his body tighter to hers, allowing her to feel how much he wanted her. The passion was building between them and she reached up between them to untie the wrap she was wearing. He understood and pulled it apart revealing the silk tank shirt she wore. He couldn’t help the groan that came from him, “Kathryn,” her hands slid over to his trousers, as she began to feel her passion by beginning to explore him herself. “We can’t here, we need a more comfortable spot.”

“Yes,” she said and took his hands, leading him towards her bedroom. 

He felt like a bee drawn to honey, as he let himself be led into her private domain. His senses were overwhelmed once she had him inside. There was a candle lit over on a small table next to her bed. This is where she was Kathryn and not the captain and now won’t ever sleep alone again. Once before her bed, she removed her wrap and then pulled her tank over her head. That was his own cue to remove his shirt, which he did. He reached out cupping a breast gently, leaning in and kissing her again. 

Kathryn then sat back on the edge of the bed and pulled herself back up against the pillows and the starlight from the viewport. He followed, lying alongside her, kissing her again. She pulled him against her and their passion and emotions surrounded them and took over.

After finally consummating their love, they lay in each other’s arms later content and sated. He tenderly kissed her face and worked down to her throat, “I don’t think I can get enough of you now,” he whispered. 

She slid her hands up his back and into his hair, “I was just as hungry,” and he gazed at her. “I never thought it could be like this, Chakotay.”

“It’s something,” he said, “that I’ve always dreamed about.” He kissed her gently, she responded and then looked at her. “You don’t regret this, do you?”

Kathryn shook her head, “no, never. And, besides, I now realize this is where I should have always been since New Earth.”

He couldn’t help the laugh, “so, now you’re beneath me?” 

She stared at him thinking and then nodded remembering an early conversation, “oh yes, definitely. But, of course, being on top is sometimes better.”

“Really?” he asked and slid his hands down to her back and she gasped in shock as he rolled beneath her, pulling her on top of him. “How’s the view now?”

She noticed his erection under the sheet and smiled, “I think we’d better let Tuvok know we might not make it into duty tomorrow.”

“Why do you say that?” 

“Well,” she said, her voice growing deep and husky, “that wonderful hard-on you’ve got needs to be dealt with, darling.” She pulled the sheet off him and slid up to it and reached out tenderly touching it, he gasped. “You can’t walk onto the bridge with that, the crew will certainly talk!”

He groaned, as she began to caress him, “oh, I agree!” When she took him in her mouth, he reached out gripping her head gently, a moan escaped him in his native language, which encouraged her to continue. She did for several more minutes, each moment building to where he thought he was definitely going to lose it. “Kathryn, please, I can’t –“ and before he could finish, she had pulled away long enough to adjust herself and lower herself down onto him. Her warmth surrounded him again as he opened his eyes watching her. She moved her hips down against his and he sat up kissing her deeply, as they rocked against each other. “I love you, my Kathryn,” he whispered. “You’ve become my heart and soul.”

She pulled away kissing his face, “I love you, Chakotay. I just wish I didn’t take so long to realize this.”

They moved slowly at first, until she began to feel her release and groaned. He held her hips, letting her control it. She then wrapped him tighter against her, burying her face in his neck and moving her hips faster and harder against his. 

“Let it go,” he said tenderly, “let it go, my love.” He knew she needed more than one release after all these years. She whimpered, “its okay, I’m never letting you go. I love you,” and suddenly he felt her body clamp his and shudder, she cried out and he let himself release as well. She clung to him as he held her and she began to cry softly. He stroked her back gently as they sat there and after a few moments she began to quiet. “Are you alright?”

She sniffed and wiped her eyes lifting her head looking at him, “yes,” and kissed him gently. He responded and then she sighed, “and by the way, I want to thank you for filling me in on B’Elanna’s report.”

He grinned, “I was happy to,” and she smiled. He lowered her back down to the bed as she snuggled against him. He then pulled the covers over them and kissed her temple.  
“I love you,” she sighed, as she felt how sleepy she really was, her exhaustion was catching up with her. 

“I love you,” he replied, tenderly and knowing how tired she was after these past couple of weeks. He held her tighter, “I’ll see you in the morning,” and she mumbled softly and drifted off to sleep. 

As she slept in his arms, he debated whether or not to stay or go. Considering they were now lovers and tonight would be one of many, he decided to stay. He knew if he left and she woke up without him, she might be a little upset with him and he didn’t want that. So, he kissed her forehead gently and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him as well.

Early the next morning, they woke to more lovemaking before getting ready for duty. Although he had to leave to get dressed in his own quarters, he kissed her before she got into the shower and managed to return to his own without being seen. 

B’Elanna and Harry were back on duty as well and looking fully rested. As they took their positions on the bridge, she smiled at him with a seductive gleam in her eye.  
Chakotay grinned and shook his head, loving her even more and knew that in letting go of their past restrictions, allowed them to finally be the couple they should have been.

End

Feedback would be appreciated


End file.
